Tag: writing

She’s a Spitfire!

It has been a long time since I left The Holler. Well…didn’t so much leave as it just got shut down. Life happens, you know? The little internet radio station that my best friend created brought so much joy to life! We played all kinds of music from around the world, but I’d say that the “specialty” so-to-speak was indie music. We played independently produced and promoted music mostly from the UK, but we had some American artists too. How fun it was to discover how popular country music is across the pond. I was genuinely shocked. But I tell ya, I have a couple of favorites that I’ll share another day.

Lately I have been thinking about getting a little station going again. It would be very small to start with, but the cards (literally) have really been telling me to not hold back and get back to the me that I used to be. For a moment I thought that doing so would be using TikTok to share videos but that just isn’t me. One, I’m not super comfortable in front of a camera, two, there is a 10 minute time limit on video, and three, it just isn’t trustworthy anymore-not that it ever was. Now that the ownership has changed…you can just tell it’s different. But I digress.

Music has always been something I love. Now I’m no musical encyclopedia by any means. I don’t know the names of all the Beatles albums. I don’t know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song. I just love music. It soothes the soul. It brings happiness. It’s calming. It can make you laugh, cry, cheer, and so much more. I mean come on, it can be damn sexy too! You know I’m right! There is a song for everyone and every circumstance in life. It was music and that little radio station in the holler that got me through one of the most stressful times in my life. I need that again. The music, not the stress.

Another musical interest that I have is singing competitions. I love them. It started with the last couple of episodes of American Idol – Season One. My coworker would ask me every week if I had watched until I finally tuned in to see Justin and Kelly duke it out for the very first title of American Idol. And we all know how that ended. LOL Season Two came around and the same coworker kept bugging me about the show and so I tuned in. I became obsessed with Ruben and Clay! I haven’t looked back since. Admittedly, there have been missed seasons but I watch as much as I can now. Fast forward to The Voice – Season Twenty-Four in 2023.

In Season Twenty-Four of The Voice the coaches were Niall Horan, Jon Legend, Gwen Stefani, and premiered Reba McIntyre as a full time coach. She had mentored a few times previously, but she finally got her own chair. I think at the time I was a bit more Team Niall than Team Reba. But that changed. Reba’s team was so good! My favorites were Ruby Leigh, Jacquie Roar, and Jordan Rainer – three incredibly powerful performers. Sadly, none of them got the top spot. That went to a gentleman named Huntley and it was well deserved. He has an amazing voice as well.

In the time after the season ended, I would see those three ladies from Team Reba while scrolling social media. Actually, I mostly saw Ruby and Jacquie. Now and then a post with Jordan would pop up with Reba. It always warms my heart to see the former contestants doing well…playing shows…and just plain having fun. That was the same year that I left the east coast for Oklahoma. Rent is just so expensive on either coast! The decision was made to buy a home instead of paying rent – so off we were. But as it does, just like before, life happens. I hadn’t really been following any of them – until recently.

I suppose I can blame it on the algorithm really. If you have spent any amount of time on TikTok, you know that the algorithm will do what the algorithm does based on what videos you watch. So up pops these videos that Jordan had posted and I start watching them. They start showing up daily now. She’s from Oklahoma, which I knew. I’m in Oklahoma. Oh look – she’s performing in OKC and other places. Wouldn’t that be cool to go to a show? I haven’t been to a concert of any sort in yeeeeeaaars. <- – That is me talking to myself. LOL

The search for music has now begun at this point. I see that there is a new album. Cool! Off to Spotify I go. Hmmmm….strange. I can’t find the new album, which, by the way, is called Outlaw Revival. So I do a little digging. Find some music on Spotify an I listened to them all. I am INSTANTLY hooked! More digging around and searching all of her socials like I’m some obsessed fangirl 😀 I found a post where she explains why this new album is not on Spotify. Initial reaction – disappointment. But when I take a moment to think about it, I understand 100%. The main complaint when we were on The Holler was that indie artists were getting screwed out of the money they deserved. Most online streaming platforms pay pitifully meek amounts of money to the artist. We play the album once and they may get 1/10th of a penny. So I get it.

A week or so goes by and I have to hear the album! I head over to https://www.jordanrainerofficial.com/ and make a purchase. And can I tell you something??? It was the best $30 purchase that I had made in a long time! Surprise – a couple of the songs that are still on Spotify are actually on the album. Very cool!

What I love is seeing this strong woman who has broken free of the patriarchal, stereotypical, role of a woman that men and religion force upon us. We are allowed to be strong, outspoken, and make our own decisions. We don’t need a man’s permission to be ourselves, or love who we love, and damn it we can express our opinions too!

{{{pause…deep breath}}} Goddam this album is fire! The progression of the songs is such an amazing representation of the journey she has been on for so many years.

So after listening to the album through a “few” times, I have a favorite. It may be a temporary favorite. We’ve all done it. New album. Many run throughs and that favorite can change a few times. But something about this song just hits. It made me cry. Be sure to listen for that little emotional “growl” near the end. Dayuum!

Here is the song “love like that.” You have to listen. And yes, that is supposed to be lower case. You’d know that if you bought the album.

So this is where I am right now. Emersed in new music from a future Grand Ole Opry inductee and waiting oh so patiently for the next album while hoping to be able to catch a show some time this year.

Hit up her website. Invest in an independent artist who has come from homelessness, working in an Oklahoma donut shop, to The Voice, and now living her dream in Nashville. We need to get this Spitfire to the Opry!

k

Song of the Day – I’ve got two words for you

I agree Kam. I agree 100% ~ Pretty sure all Swifties do!

Unless you live under a rock, you are likely well aware that Miss Taylor Allison Swift recently released TS12 – her 12th album entitled, “The Life of a Showgirl” – and it is amazing.

Trying to pick a favorite track has proved to be quite the challenge for me, but after dozens of plays, I think I have to say it’s Track #2. Elizabeth Taylor. Take a listen and you’ll see why.


According to an article on People.com, this song was first inspired by a conversation between Taylor and Travis. If you know any history about the legendary Elizabeth Taylor and our favorite pop queen, Taylor Swift, you’ll know there are a few similarities in their lives. Both were/are always under major media scrutiny for one reason or another. But of course their love lives were/are a hot topic.

The song it self starts out slow and works up to a sound like a love song would but quickly takes a turn with a serious beat drop that deserves a hard rock/heavy metal cover and soon!

When dissecting the lyrics, you’ll find references to where Richard Burton proposed to Elizabeth Taylor and places that Taylor Swift had visited, but the lyrics are so much deeper. Bits of each of their lives are wonderfully intertwined. One thing that hooks me though – and so many of us like Kam, who was one of her dancers during the Eras Tour and also featured in the first video from the album – is the exclamation of her name Elizabeth Taylor! And of course if her heart gets broken, “I’d cry my eyes violet.”

I don’t know. At this point I’m just rambling. LOL I just LOVE this song! And I think you should listen to it. You’ll love it too. Leave a comment and let me know what you think of the song.

k

the emotion is real…

Five days ago my life changed. (Because I too am dramatic) Even if just for a brief moment in time. Okay, so maybe it didn’t change, but it was rocked. In a good way. I’ll explain.

I knew it was coming. I, along with millions of fans, had been anticipating this album drop for months! Everyone had been doing their best to notice every Easter egg they could. Every outfit. Every planned “pap walk.” (paparazzi) Every conversation. They all were potential hints to what was about to be. And oh my, were there some theories out there! I’m still not convinced something else isn’t going to drop before the end of the year. The pre-orders were in, but none delivered just yet. I was in the dark along with everyone else.

Taylor Swift hit the radio waves big time in 2006. I’ve been a fan from the beginning. My interest waxed and waned over the years. After all, I was raising kids, working, and going to school. Music wasn’t at the top of my list for many years. But her music was always there. Not a year (or so it seems) went by that she wasn’t on any number of award shows. Two of my favorite performances were when she performed “You Should Have Said No” at the ACM awards in 2008 and “Mean” at the Grammy’s in 2012- I wonder what that guy thinks now? There have of course been dozens of performances since then, but those were so very powerful.

Fast forward to springtime 2024. I am in one of the most anxiety filled times in my life. It wasn’t the first time, but my husband was once again in a very serious health situation. Stress levels and worry through the roof. Whether I was sitting at home alone or in the hospital room, there was not much to do. TV was boring as hell. Flipping through videos on the socials and I see people live streaming Taylor Swift’s concerts on TikTok and I start watching. Then I start following various creators that are sharing all sorts of things about Taylor. They are so fun to watch. It was giving me something to keep my mind off the more serious things going on. And by the way, he made it through two major surgeries and came home after a long stay.

So now I’m in deep and an official elder Swiftie. I am watching videos from 6-10 content creators and learning all about Taylor’s albums, Easter eggs, the TV albums (Taylor’s Version) and the story behind it all. I watch as The Tortured Poets Department albums becomes and is added to the Era’s Tour set. I learn about the Lover House, fall in love with the Folklore album, and get super excited when the gold bodysuit is revealed in Miami Night 1! All the dresses! The surprise songs! What does it all mean? And will we ever get the Rep Vault tracks? I hope so! And don’t even get me started on an adult version of Debut. Oh my.

I went to bed last Thursday night knowing that the album was going to become available on Spotify at midnight Eastern time and I was fine with hearing it the next day. Well…I woke up around 1130p – and I’m in the Central time zone – and had to go to the bathroom. Thank you menopause. I decided to open Spotify and put on the new album since it was up and go back to sleep while I was “listening.” It wasn’t until later Friday morning that I had a chance to really listen. As I type this, it is Wednesday night. I am sure that I have listened to the album upwards of 30 times already. Amazing doesn’t cut it. I’m obsessed with it. And have cried so many times while listening to it.

Sure, it’s a temporary obsession…maybe. But I feel an emotional connection to Taylor’s music. It was her music that helped ease much of the anxiety during the time that my husband was so sick last year and fighting to get home. I had the Swifties and the pure joy that every single one of those concerts brought to the thousands in attendance and the thousands of us who watched the grainy live streams on our phones and laptops. I got to interact with others who were just streaming for fun. I have had the privilege of learning more about Taylor as a person and understand the complexities of her writing style. And oh my god! We got to see her love affair blossom into a fairytale.

But all of this has been a therapy of sorts. Instead of worrying so much, I turned to the music and it was – and is – calming.

Then it hit me!

This is not the first time. It may be an intense feeling right now, but definitely not the first time. Looking back through the years, music has always been there for me. From the time when I was a pre-teen and unhappy with my living situation and blaring Joan Jett and the Blackhearts to when I had a newborn and a dying father at the same moment and singing Sara Evans songs to my baby. Certain songs will always bring me back to moments in time and remind me how healing the tunes and the melodies were.

When things are going not so great and I’m dancing through the lightning strikes, it’s as if music itself brings me out of the onyx nights and turns the sky a beautiful hue of opalite.

That rocks.

k

It’s a Beautiful Morning

I don’t know what it was this morning, but it really brought this song to mind. Truly, it is a beautiful day here in western Oklahoma.

A couple of weeks ago you would have had difficulty getting me to acknowledge the beauty of the sunrise, the refreshing feel of the almost never ending breeze we have here, or the beauty in the song of the many species of birds that we have in  our area. Anxiety is a scary and confusing feeling. It can rob you of happiness and joy.

But the last several days have been significantly better. Last July my husband and I purchased our very first home. Now we are working on getting our front yard looking nice. Our landscaper – yes…I can actually say that very grown-up phrase LOL – He says he will help us to have a golf course-like front lawn. I can’t wait! We are brainstorming ideas for an area of the front under my office window and reconsidering a whole new arrangement for the backyard. Well, mostly I am, but it’s fun to dream!

The past 16-17 months have been incredibly eventful. Not only did we pack it up and leave Massachusetts and our two youngest children behind (rather quickly I might add), but there have been health issues for my husband, my mother, and my stepfather. Everything must have just finally come to a head and I just couldn’t quite overcome it all. My typical “It’s all going to be okay” just wasn’t cutting it.

Now I am doing my best to shift into a “take care of me” mode and will be having a go at some doctors appointments that I have postponed long enough. I need to take care of me. My family and friends have been telling me this for years. My “job” as a caregiver can take a toll. I must work in time for myself daily. And writing, listening to music, and sharing it all, is a proven self-therapy.

As I sit and write this, I am on our back porch in the sun, enjoying the breeze, and joyfully taking in the birdsong, soaking in the sunlight and working on my tan 😂 I actually have color again! Massachusetts sucked that color right out of my skin.

Our mental health is just as important to take care of as our heart health, dealing with diabetes, or any other health issue we may have. Keeping things all bottled up does nothing to help the situation. We need to take time to have those conversations with each other. Do things that bring us joy like listening to music, taking a walk, journaling, or even creating a website where you can share with others – just like I did!

More to come on a regular basis. It’s a beautiful morning. Why not go outside awhile? Just smile. Take in somee clean fresh air.

k

thankful…

thank you India, thank you terror, thank you disillusionment, thank you frailty…

Alanis Morissette wrote a song back in the late 90’s after having gone on a trip to India. It was a well deserved break that she certainly deserved. According to an interview with MTV, Alanis, up to that point, had not taken a break in her career. This song was written after her spiritually awakening trip. It is essentially a thank you to the Universe for all of the things in her life that have shaped who she had become and lessons learned.

Having just celebrated Thanksgiving here in the United States, I had this song on my mind. And while I have not taken a journey to India for relaxation and spiritual guidance/discovery, I have had some time and experiences that have helped me to learn and grow. Experiences that have shown me how important it is to not only take care of others, but to take care of myself first.

In her song, Alanis thanks terror, frailty, and disillusionment. She thanks providence, disillusionment, nothingness, clarity, and silence. She speaks of remembering one’s divinity, unabashedly bawling your eyes out, and about allowing yourself to experience grief.

I would have to mimic that sentiment. So many feelings, experiences, and just overall stuff – good and bad – have shaped who I am today. Am I done growing? Are you? No. I honestly believe that we are growing and changing in one way or another every single day of our lives. For me, it would go something like this:

Thank you, COVID.
Thank you, loneliness.
Thank you, hospital staff.
Thank you, music.
Thank you, anxiety.
Thank you, Twitter family.

And yeah, I balled my eyes our a few times. I’m hanging on to my divinity. Some friendships have faded but now I have new friends. It’s all going to be okay.

Thank U.

k

keep singing…

It has been a rough couple of days. I am feeling a little lost today. Even trying to find the music to soothe my soul is not happening easily today. As I scroll through songs, I just am not connecting. Rather depressing. And to be honest, I can't be ashamed to share that I too have been struggling. The last several months haven't been easy. And this week, things got a little more complicated.

Where are we now?
Will we ever get back
To the place we once were?
I'm afraid

Afraid of what may be
I'm losing sleep
Worry, she is taunting me
But my hope is still there

My love is strong
But I've lost control
Of what what was to be
Hanging on to that hope

Dreams of what could have been
Seemingly slip away
Faith will overcome worry
Hope. She is strong

Not sure where this is going
Scattered thoughts to match
The turmoil in my mind
Hang on

Lord, don't let me go.

k


it’s autumn now…

It was springtime the last time you were here. It was springtime the last time I felt your skin against mine. You’re not gone. Just not home. I miss you. What happens next? I just don’t know.

I pray for your strength. I pray for the day you get to come back to me. I pray you don’t give up and that you fight this weakness that tries to break you.

Thinking too much brings tears. Worry is constant. I just don’t know what’s next. God help us. Help me.

When will this craziness end? It’s been so long. Far too long.

It’s like I’ve been living a different life. Because I have. So different. I’m thankful for the girls. They help so much. I’m thankful for friends who reach out and care about us.

Music has been here to help. She would have been here anyway, but right now she is my friend. And this friend has kept me sane.

Please God help me to know it will be okay. Because it was spring time the last time he was here in my arms.

And it’s autumn now.

k

it always comes back to the music…

Anxiety. Worry. She had experienced those feelings many times before. But this time the feelings felt amplified. She was so happy to know he was coming home. The last few days in the hospital had been more than miserable for him. So it was a relief to know that stay was over.

After the first night of him being home, struggling to do normal every day tasks, and just witnessing his pain, she noticed something else. His eyes. They were different. Something had happened. His spirit, his soul, broken. It was like looking into the eyes of one who had been trapped, backed into a corner and having to fight for survival. There was confusion. Fear. This was not the same man whom she had taken to the emergency room just eight days before.

Just listening to him recount the poor treatment he received during the last three days in the hospital kept the tears flowing. She could hear the pain. The struggle. She admitted to him that she could see the change in his eyes. He agreed with the description she gave. And it saddened him to see her so overwhelmed.

They knew things would get better. And over the next days, it did. His strength was returning. He was clearly on the mend. Thank God. Slowly, that broken and traumatized look left his eyes. But even now, she was able to see a hint of that brokenness. In time, that too will fade, but not be forgotten.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That little blurb above is true. It was in a sort of story form in my brain this week. My husband was in the hospital and had an horrific experience. We are both incredibly hurt and angered. I plan on writing a letter to the hospital, but wanted to wait until it wasn’t written like a screaming fit. I need to be able to speak clearly and concisely when I rip them a new one. Right?

During the time that I was home, hanging on every word the nurses gave me, and they certainly did not give me them all I found out, I happened to “reconnect” with one of my very best friends. Turns out she has a podcast now! She is involved with a big group of indie musicians who share their music on social media and on Spotify. One of the artists that I was introduced to is named Paul Nixon. He has a new song called “It’s Alright Now.”

The night that I first heard this song, I was an anxious mess. Then this song. Just BAM! It was exactly what I needed. I honestly felt like it was a way for God to let me know that it is going to be alright. It truly was like a worship song to me at that moment. You can read a review of it in the Indiependent. The review written by Sam Lambeth describes it perfectly as “Soothing, raspy, repentant. Majestic, melodic, magnificent. There aren’t enough words to describe those first few seconds as you adjust your ears to the gruff beauty of Nixon’s delivery.” Easily one I could play over and over. And have.

First and foremost, I thank God for sparing my husband and bringing him home to me. And I thank Him also for gifting so many with great talent. To those who possess those gifts, thank you for sharing them!

And as is the usual for me, in just about every situation – good or bad – there is a song for that. Because, it always comes back to the music.

Thanks for reading.

k